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Ricky Williams Named High Times ‘Man Of The Year’
In a bold move, High Times magazine, a publication devoted to the usage and legalization of marijuana, named Dolphins RB Ricky Williams its “Man of the Year”. This is the first time an athlete has been bestowed with the honor. “I don’t know what to say, I’m just thrilled,” an exasperated Williams said in a phone interview. “Just goes to show you that perseverance pays off, man. All that garbage I had to go through, man….wait, what was I talking about? I’m pretty baked right now.” Dave “The Bong Assassin” Fredricks, the magazine’s PR director, said a lot of thought went into the selection: “Yeah man, we held a closed door meeting in the board room to try to hammer this one out. It took 3 days. We had to order in some mondo Chinese food, man. We had it narrowed down to three guys right away: Ricky Williams and David Lee Roth. We almost made the selection on the first day, but we decided to blaze up some wicked Jamaican Red that Tom brought in, and we totally forgot what we were doing! It was the best meeting I’ve attended, since like, forever. What was the question again?” FAI searched for the elusive “Tom” and discovered him to be Chad White, the magazine’s editor-in-chief: “We really wanted to give the award to somebody that is committed to marijuana use, and we found, after much deliberation [snickers], that Ricky was our guy. That guy sacrificed an NFL career for weed. That's pretty awesome. One time Dave got fired from Burger King because all the overhead sprinklers came on when he was spliffing in the bathroom, but that's nothing compared to Ricky. Seriously, I want to party with that guy.” Williams said he propped the award up with his Heisman Trophy, which has been modified to appear as if the leather-helmeted figure is smoking a giant marijuana cigarette, which, if life-sized, would be about 3 feet long. “That’s what it’s all about right there. If I had a joint that big, I’d...I don’t know man. I just know I’d be a lot higher than I am right now. Or not. I don’t know man. Wanna hit this?” |