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Seahawks Blame Superbowl Loss On City Of Detroit
The Pittsburgh Steelers made an unprecedented run in this year’s playoffs, becoming the only 6th seeded team to have ever won the Superbowl, winning every game on the road. However, the location on Superbowl XL has overshadowed the impressive accomplishments of the yellow and black. “It was just too depressing to concentrate on the game,” an obviously forlorn Matt Hasselbeck said after the game. “Sure I’m upset with losing the Superbowl and all, but have you seen some of the shitholes people have to live in around here? I couldn’t stop thinking about it all game long.” Steeler RB Jerome Bettis, who most likely played in his last NFL game Sunday, and a Detroit native, knew the Steelers would have the advantage when he realized the Superbowl was in Detroit this year. “When I found that out, I knew we had it in the bag. I immediately drove our starting offensive team to cemeteries and burn units, just to get them used to the sense of depression that prevails over the city of Detroit.” Apparently, his strategy paid off. Seattle WR Darrell Jackson: “When I pushed off in the end zone, I wasn’t even thinking of the game. I was trying to push off all the depression. It hung heavy, man.” Jeramy Stevens, Seahawk TE: “I talked a bunch of trash this week, but I just couldn’t prepare myself for all the strife. I dropped several passes, solely due to blight getting in my eyes.” When hearing his teammates’ comments, Hasselbeck agreed. “I totally understand where they’re coming from. Thanks Tagliadouche. Maybe in 50 years, when we make it to the Superbowl again, you can schedule it to be held in Satan’s asshole.” Seattle coach Mike Holmgren declined to comment, but was last seen trying to offer a homeless person a cup of Starbuck’s coffee, amid tears. |