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Chad Johnson Copes With Loss of Imagination Fans gather, hold vigils The Bengals beat the Detroit Lions this week in convincing fashion, 38-14, but one play overshadowed the entire game, rendering Bengals fans speechless and sickened. With 2:36 remaining Chad Johnson scored on a slant pass thrown by Bengals QB Carson Palmer. When Johnson reached the end zone, he hesitated, then calmly tossed the ball to the referee. The roar of the crowd quickly silenced and turned into murmurs as fans tried to digest what they had just witnessed. “It was like he didn’t care or something,” a flabbergasted Ted Swanson, long time Bengal supporter, said after the game. “I don’t know what to say. I’m pretty confused right now. Please don't film me.” Fans held an impromptu candlelight vigil outside the stadium after the game, singing the Bengals fight song. “We’re just trying to stay positive right now,” said Tina Jones, a long-time Bengals season ticket holder. “The support for Chad is pretty touching to see out here. We’re just really hoping he can come back strong in the next game.” Other fans were less supportive. Bill Noorman, another Bengals fan, was indignant. “What the hell? I brought my kids to this game. I can’t believe I have to go home and explain to them that Chad Johnson is still the best showman in the game. I’m not even sure I believe that anymore. And I paid out my ass for these tickets. I could’ve just stayed home instead of freezing my damn grapes off here.” In the locker room, a dejected Chad Johnson bravely fought tears as the press swarmed him. “I really had something planned, but it just didn’t go right. Seriously, I was going to have a tiny car come out, and a whole bunch of clowns were going to pop out and have a show. Then I was going to ride a horse around the stadium, dressed as a cowboy. But at the last second I realized that all that shit was located in the other end zone, so I froze. After I handed the ball to the ref, I realized I could’ve just hopped up and down on an imaginary pogo stick, but it was too late. I’m just sorry my fans had to witness that. Now I have to pay a comedy troupe of clowns for a full days pay even though they didn’t do anything. I’ve had better days.” Upon hearing about Johnson’s plans for an end zone celebration, Noorman remained skeptical. "I don’t know man, I really don’t think I can bring my kids back here anymore. First the Challenger blew up, now this. Shit man, I just can’t take it. Maybe we’ll just go bowling next Sunday." Johnson seems to understand. "I can't really blame the fans for being upset. Number 85 has a responsibility to his fans. And number 85 let them down today. I think I'm going to go get shit faced, snort some blow off a hooker's hip bone, and play some Madden." |